Evan Jones

I'm a comedian is San Diego, CA. One day I might make this thing relevant to what I do. In the meantime, enjoy some random shit.


I’m not saying you’re an asshole, Luke. I’m just saying you seem like the kind of guy who sees a joke Facebook status and instead of just “liking” it, you comment on the status with your own shitty tag for the joke. Luke, you’re an assistant manager at Aeropostale. Stay out of show business. 

There’s no greater hero than Iron Man, because he’s not a superhero. He’s a fuckin’ human being that earned everything and pays the price through alcoholism

—Dan Harmon | Harmontown (via havingchanged)

(Source: itinerent, via havingchanged)

Adventures in Online Dating - 01 The Return

I tried online dating for a couple of years starting back in 2010. I know that’s not very long ago, but back then sites like OkCupid were still fairly new, and there weren’t a million to choose from. People were still ashamed to do it. Not really ashamed, but a little. It was still a weird thing. There was still a sense that it was a sort of failure. You can’t meet people in person, so you need an algorithm to tell you who you should talk to. That’s how it felt to me at least, and that was a perfectly accurate description of me, so what was I being so proud about?

It started out all right. I talked to a few girls, and went on a couple of terrible to mediocre dates. I’ve never been good at talking to people in person, and as it turns out, I wasn’t great at it online either. Pretty soon the whole thing turned exhausting. How to get their attention, how to carry on a conversation with someone you’ve never met, knowing when to suggest an actual date, and all this after finding someone that doesn’t repulse you with their taste in movies. I wasn’t getting a flood of attention in the first place, but eventually the well dried up. It became a site I’d go to just to confirm that no one wanted to talk to me. I could blame the girls, or the whole system, but that would be unfair. It was me. I was so picky it eventually felt like OkCupid was scraping the bottom of the barrel. You didn’t want the compatible ones, huh? This girl rides a Harley and has a tramp stamp of the Confederate Flag. It was actively bumming me out, so I gave up.

Recently a friend told me I should try it again because “It would be good for me.” I know it wasn’t supposed to be insulting, but it kind of felt that way. Like she didn’t believe I could meet someone the old fashioned way. And ok, maybe she has ton of anecdotal evidence, but still! What about my pride?! Well it crumbled when I got drunk and lonely one night. I decided to check out Tinder, because it’s based on your location. I’m not now, nor will I probably ever be, the Random Hookup Guy, but sometimes I like to pretend. From there it seemed pretty logical to reactivate my OkCupid, and now here we are. Online dating. A new, old frontier. I don’t imagine it’s going to end any better, but who knows? I’ve come a long way since I gave it up the first time. I’m not as convinced I’m going to die alone. Maybe I’ll meet the love of my life. Or maybe I’ll be murdered.

Don’t wait. Writers are the only artists I know of who expect to get somewhere by waiting. Everyone knows you have to dance to be a dancer, you have to sing to be a singer, you have to act to be an actor, but far too many people seem to believe that you. don’t have to write to be a writer. So, instead of writing, they wait. Isaac Asimov said it beautifully in just six words: “It’s the writing that teaches you.” Writing is what teaches you. Writing is what leads to “inspiration.” Writing is what generates ideas. Nothing else-and nothing less. Don’t meditate, don’t do yoga, don’t do drugs. Just write.

DANIEL QUINN (via booksandpublishing)


(via ellenkushner)

(via neil-gaiman)

We Hate Cosplay Because We’re Jealous

I went up to Anaheim for WonderCon a couple weekends ago. It’s like ComicCon, but with less people that are only there because of Twilight, or whatever kids are into these days. I love going to conventions. Even when it’s so packed I have to feel some sweaty dude’s arm pressed against me because he needs to get a free pen. I hate that guy, but I love the convention. I don’t even buy anything most of the time. Sometimes I’ll go to panels, but mostly I just like to walk around and look at stuff. Art, comics, and especially people. The people are the first thing you think of when you think of conventions. Sometimes, when it comes up that I go to these conventions every year I’ll get asked, “Are you one of those people that gets all dressed up?” It’s always in a sarcastic tone, and I always answer with a scoff because I of course I’m not. I make fun of Cosplay as much as anyone, but I had a realization at WonderCon. I’m not one of those people that gets all dressed up, but I kind of wish I was. 
Sure, when you think of Cosplay, you think of the Cardboard Optimus Prime, or the Fat Wolverine. But for every ten barely recognizable Wonder Women, there’s a Commander Sheppard that I would legitimately trust to save the world from giant sentient robots. It’s impressive what some of these people can do. I saw a Ninja Turtle that might have actually been a Ninja Turtle. I couldn’t make a costume like that. I can’t even make characters in video games. I always end up with Sloth from the Goonies.
Besides the crazy talent some Cosplayers have, the truth is they’re the ones that really know how to do comic conventions. They’re the reason we even have comic conventions. When I go to ComicCon, it’s like I’m going to Disneyland. But when they go to ComicCon, it’s like they’re going Home. They get to get away from their normal lives where some asshole makes them feel bad about liking Dr. Who, and they get to be Dr. Who. And no matter what quality the costume is, someone will want a picture. Some stranger will walk up and say “Oh my god, that’s so cool, do you mind?” They’ll pose, and walk away feeling great, because they just made a connection with someone. That’s not even talking about the other Cosplayers, either. I saw a Spiderman walking down the street, and I wondered who goes to WonderCon alone? But when you go to a convention in costume, you’re not alone. You can make a costume, go to ComicCon, and leave with a hundred new friends that all talked to you about how you built that steampunk ghost vacuum. There’s an automatic community that will take you in, even if your costume is just a t-shirt you drew on with a sharpie and sword you made out of cardboard.
Do I make jokes? Of course. I’m only human, and I can’t resist pointing out that Kratos looks like he ate another Kratos. I’m not going to make that joke to his face though, because this is his time. Just because I’m some asshole that thinks his hobby is silly doesn’t mean he should feel bad about it. And he doesn’t! That’s the beautiful thing. What I would give to shed all of the shame and embarrassment keeping me from throwing on some tights and having a great time with a bunch of dorks. No, I’m not one of those people that gets dressed up, but god damn it, I wish I was.